I hate arguing. No one ever believes that. But it's true.
There is nothing about an argument I enjoy. Not the loudness. Not the expelled, hot breath. Not even the fact I win them all. (That's a direct, purposeful jab to anyone who has ever argued with me. I do things like this because I'm obviously childish.)
There are things, however, very important things, monumental life thing, things so important I can't identify them but will instead keep referring to them as things, that deserve a fight. They deserve to be protected, lauded, and, even in the absence of minty mouthwash, argued for. This is perhaps why no one believes I hate arguing. Because I do it. From time to time. After a hearty toothbrush and flossing regiment.
Blogging often feels that way to me. Like an argument. You put your opinion out there so that an unnamed individual, safe in their silo of anonymity with names like "Punchlove" and "Suprstr9" can tell you how very wrong you are. Or simply call you a name since their conversation skills are as unimaginative as their screen names.
We've created a world for cowards, actually. Can't handle face-to-face interaction? No worries. Sit in your safe haven and blast your nonsense from your mother's basement. No one ever needs to know. And you never need to listen.
These are the things I dislike about blogging. No. Let me go at least one step too far. These are the things I despise. And because of this, because I believe in accountability, even for myself (I need accountability, too. I'm childish at times, remember?), I've tempered, censored, and kept mum often times about often ideas. The often is so often I can't give you specific instances.
Either that, or today I'm just not into details.
I'm a private person by nature. Very private. I have a small, very intimate circle of friends. To these people I tell pretty much everything of the everythings I'm going to tell. The rest I keep to myself.
Am I emotionally Ft. Knox? Not necessarily. But definitely a bunker of some sort.
People need to earn access to our lives, access to our opinions, access to our inner-thoughts. And it goes both ways. Trust me, I don't want your inner thoughts unless I've earned them. That way, I've subconsciously given them value. I will appreciate them, respect them, even if I don't agree. Spouting off your opinion in a tweet? Yeah. I really couldn't care less about it. And yes, I've tweeted before.
See the predicament?
Over the last year, culminating into greater intensity over the last several months, I've felt compelled to increase my boundaries. Yes, I have walls. Fortified cities always do. They are healthy, managed, and made of this beautiful slate rock. Breathtaking, really. Similar to limestone but visually closer to marble.
I've stopped tweeting, stopped doing Facebook status updates, and even stopped blogging at my previous intensity. I needed to think. To have privacy. To, once again, reestablish my boundaries. If a cave existed with indoor plumbing, I'd live there. Seriously. I'd take lots of books, several notebooks with pens, and a jar of peanut butter. And I'd live there.
Silence, however, isn't always the noble choice. Like I mentioned earlier, there are things, those unnamed things, worth fighting for. Worth talking about. Worth, dare I do it, even discussing on a public forum.
So. Here's where I'm at. I'm resituating. Repositioning. Resomething or othering. That doesn't mean I'll be sharing my deepest, darkest secrets. In fact, I won't even admit to having any. But I will be sharing my thoughts on more than politics. And I'm more than happy to listen to anyone with a cohesive, pragmatic, or at least imaginative, differing viewpoint.
Or I might block you. You never know about childish people like myself.
I'm sending this out as a simple fyi. Many of you have been very faithful about reading what I post. I don't take that honor lightly. I have, however, been giving you a watered down, highly-screened version of my thoughts over the last several months. I've been clocking in. And clocking back out again. If you are going to stop by, you deserve more from me than that. I acknowledge that.
This doesn't necessarily mean I'll be blogging more. I'm pregnant with projects at the moment. Those projects are extensive and long-enduring. So time is limited.
Not that I'll stop posting videos. Darn if I don't like those videos.
I will, however, promise to make my posts, or at least create more posts, with more meat and more relevance, as well as more topics. Like or dislike, I'm basically making you a pledge to give more. You have the option to tune in or run screaming for the hills. If those hills had caves with plush seating, that'd be a difficult choice for me.