Jon Stewart: We came, We saw, We suck

Biggest surprise of this monologue? Elements of truth.

Wait for the Bill Ayers joke. And the Biden joke. And the Democrat ad joke. And, if none of that amuses you, enjoy the clips of Obama and his "post partisan" rant at Wisconsin. Did he really say Republicans were sucking on slurpies? Why yes. Yes, he did.

Gotta respect a man who takes absolutely no responsibility for his actions and their obvious repercussions. Very Presidential of him.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Indecision 2010 - Democratic Campaign Woes
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Obama told it straight at one point. He has accomplished 70 percent of his agenda.

- Bankrupt America? Check
- Irritate racial relations? Check
- Take over healthcare? Check
- Pay off the unions? Check
- Insult our allies? Check
- Alienate the Jews? Check
- Sympathize with terrorists? Check
- Indebt the next two generations of Americans? Check
- Increase government control? Check
- Fundamentally change the country? Check
- Party like it's 1999? Check. And check again.

What's left? I guess it's time to start selling off some of the flyover country to China.

Exposing the Looney Left, one Bob at a time

Today, Rush got a call from poodle-lovin Bob from Oregon who hearts Obama and hates anyone not Cherokee. If your ancestors aren't Native American, then he thinks everyone should go back to the land of their ancestors. Scat!

Of course, that could get expensive. I'm Cherokee. But I'm also Irish and German. So do I buy homes in all three nations and split my time equally? Or would apartments be better? Maybe time shares? And if they are time shares, how many of those two-hour presentations do I have to sit through?

It's a great conversation. Too long to post here so I recommend clicking this link for your daily dose of absurdity and reading the whole thing. But here, as a teaser, was a great part at the end.

RUSH: My forefathers were born in this country. Are you the rightful owner of the country? Is that what you believe, do you think that you're one of the rightful owners of the country that --

CALLER: Yes, I do.

RUSH: -- you were here at one with nature --

CALLER: The Cherokee nation, yes, I do.

RUSH: One with nature and you guys, you're never at war with one another, all the tribes got along and you got along with the Mexicans and never slaughtered the buffalo, everything was hunky-dory, and then Columbus showed up and then the white guy showed up and here came syphilis and here came racism and sexism and bigotry and homophobia and environmental destruction?

CALLER: That's right. You got it.

RUSH: Thanks, Bob. Appreciate it. There's your average Obama voter, and it's exactly what Obama thinks. Bob, God, I love you, man. That's a classic make the host look good. It's the primary job of caller, and Bob did it.

From all of us American squatters to you, thanks Bob.

In the mail: one. ticked. Christian.

One of my dearest friends sent me a letter yesterday. I replied to her email with, "That entire email is quotable." And she responded with, "Well why do you think I wrote it?!"

Ahhh...Now I get it. Here's a thought from a Godly woman who has some questions for our God-confused President.

Tara,

I'm sure you will share my joy over the fact that Obama(nation) continues to tout his Christian faith. I know, for me, despite all evidence to the contrary, what a huge reassurance this is.

"I am a Christian by choice" he is quoted as saying on page A 12 of today's Tulsa World. He goes on to say, "I came to faith later in life (citing earlier that his family weren't the kind who went to church every week) and it was because the precepts of Jesus Christ spoke to me in terms of what kind of life I would want to lead--being my brothers' and sisters' keeper, treating others as they would treat me."

Nothing about being a sinner, nothing about being saved by grace, nothing about relying on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and discernment, nothing at all that would resonate with someone who really is a Christian.

I'm not sure who his "damage control" advisors are who are trying to refute what 18% believe--that Obama is a muslim--but they aren't doing a very good job. Which only proves they apparently aren't Christians either and are trying to ignorantly figure out what he aught to say to try and convince people who "wrongly believe Obama is muslim" that he shares their faith.

Maybe they should have started by encouraging him to not cancel the National Day of Prayer and not participate in the spin-off muslim day of prayer. I don't know. I'm just a white, middle-aged, middle-class house wife. But that's where I would have started.

C.

Sounds good to me. I say we give C the Presidency and see what she can do with it. I know for a fact, the woman wouldn't need a teleprompter.

The excess of Flower Power and why I'm now a rodeo fan

He ate the chicken nachos, almost all of them, minus the one I plucked off his plate. I was hungry. Only not for food. I told my friend last night, over a basket of chips and salsa, that it seems rather rare to encounter a genuine display of masculinity these days. In answer, he grabbed a heavy flowerpot and heaved it over his head.
Not bad. At least it was something.

With technology and conveniences and all our manual labor covered with a flip of a switch or push of a button, you would think we had somehow circumvented the need for plain, basic, brute human strength. We don't kill and skin our food before eating it. We defrost, nuke and repeat. For lawns we have self-propelled motors. For personal protection we have guns. For stubborn jars we have kitchen aids from The Pampered Chef to pop the top.

Who needs men to be physical men anymore?

This week I interviewed an old friend. He heads up a local mission and is, in my opinion, the epitome of the masculine male - staunch integrity, mental sharpness, problem solver, follower of Jesus (that's the big one, ps), and physically dangerous. The man can kick the majority of the world's keisters. He has a six-degree black belt in Kyokyushin-kai, third-degree in Tae Kwon Do, first-degree in Okinawawn Shuri-te, and first-degree rank in the sword-weilding art of Iaido.

Keisters. Kicked.

The first time I ever met him he offered to carry me home. Now, grant it, the circumstances were unusual. He took my photographer and I to a few extreme locations to shoot poverty and homelessness in the city. Being the girl scout that I am, I was prepared for anything in my sandals, which quickly attracted every sticktight in the five-mile wilderness. (For those unfamiliar with "sticktights", they are spiked spawns of the devil that masquerade as plant seeds.) Every two minutes, I was peeling these suckers off my feet and getting my fingers bloody in the process. Eventually, realizing we may never make it home due to my choice of footwear, he simply said, "Do I need to just carry you?"
Heck yeah.

During our recent conversation, he said something rather profound and I haven't stopped thinking about it all week.

"When the book 'Wild at Heart' came out, I started getting all these calls to come speak at men's groups and luncheons. Men had finally realized it was okay for them to be men," he said.

They didn't know it before? Apparently not.

As my nacho-eating friend explained last night, men have been under chickafication (my word, not his) since grade school. He said men are taught not to compete, not to be proud of being the best, not to strive for excellence in masculine roles. How many movies demonize the captain of the football team while glorifying the gawky, awkward, spindly outcast? The men with the most physical acumen are always the stupid, bully types, i.e. the best is the worst, the strongest the cruelest. Never forget that, as if Hollywood would let you.

And if they didn't convince you with teenage minidramas, they'll be sure and get you in the wartime movie where soldiers are really bloodthirsty mass murderers, i.e. tough guys who fight for justice are evil.

I didn't doubt my friend's recollection of school. I still remember back in high school when finding a guy who would "cry at movies" was the thing. I never got that. If I'm crying at a movie and he's crying at a movie, who lends me their shoulder? I want a shoulder, dang it.

Last weekend, a few friends and I went to a rodeo. I sat on that hard bench surrounded by the smell of manure, and took in the sights, those sights being men roping calves at incredible speeds, riding bulls at breakneck speeds, and giving the audience a small taste of what happens when wild men mix with wild beasts.

I'll be going back.

I'm not sure how we got here, where men get manicures and facials, women sport bulging biceps, and we're all stuck at a Sadie Hawkins dance with no one taking the lead and no one following. That makes for a truly terrible turn around the floor.

As an independent female of the self-reliant sort, I have no qualms about men being physically superior, men taking the lead, men fixing the gutters on my house (really no qualms about the last one, fyi). How is not encouraging men to be the fullness of themselves, the fullness of their - God bless 'em - physical prowess, a sign of strength by females? How is that complimentary to either of us? As a capable woman, I'm confident enough in my own right not to deny a man confidence in his. I call that truly feminine feminism.

If you want an idea of a world void of the defining qualities of one opposite sex, imagine a world without much color, without softness and sweet smells, without tenderness, without nurturing, without glamour or refinement, without giddiness, without girlishness, without someone to make a dwelling place a home. That would be life without femininity.

Now imagine life without masculinity. Or at least in short supply. Look familiar?

So, my earlier question, who needs men to be men? Absolutely everyone. Even men. And in the meantime, you'll find me sitting on an uncomfortable bench at the nearest rodeo.

Logrolling v Politics. One and the same?

Sean Duffy. The man is having too much fun running for office. Unacceptable.



Here's from Sean Duffy's own bio:

Sean is the tenth of eleven children born and raised in Hayward, Wisconsin. At the age of five, Sean began logrolling, a favorite pastime for many children in his northern Wisconsin hometown. In high school, Sean learned how to speed climb and soon after joined the Scheer's Lumberjack Show to offset his college and law school expenses. As a lumberjack performer, Sean traveled all over the state and country performing in lumberjack sport competitions and exhibitions.

At the age of 18, Sean won his first World Lumberjack Championship in the 60-foot speed climb. He went on to earn two more World Champion titles in this category. In 2004, Sean was named the Honorary Athlete of the Wisconsin Badger Games, a popular state wide multi-discipline amateur competition modeled after the Olympics.

And in case you want to see some of that lumberjack action, here's another Sean Duffy ad:



Lumberjack. Conservative. Flannel shirts. What can I say? I'm in love (in a purely political sense, of course).

Okay, maybe a tinge not political.

Want more? I don't blame you.

I hate arguing. No one ever believes that. But it's true.

There is nothing about an argument I enjoy. Not the loudness. Not the expelled, hot breath. Not even the fact I win them all. (That's a direct, purposeful jab to anyone who has ever argued with me. I do things like this because I'm obviously childish.)

There are things, however, very important things, monumental life thing, things so important I can't identify them but will instead keep referring to them as things, that deserve a fight. They deserve to be protected, lauded, and, even in the absence of minty mouthwash, argued for. This is perhaps why no one believes I hate arguing. Because I do it. From time to time. After a hearty toothbrush and flossing regiment.

Blogging often feels that way to me. Like an argument. You put your opinion out there so that an unnamed individual, safe in their silo of anonymity with names like "Punchlove" and "Suprstr9" can tell you how very wrong you are. Or simply call you a name since their conversation skills are as unimaginative as their screen names.

We've created a world for cowards, actually. Can't handle face-to-face interaction? No worries. Sit in your safe haven and blast your nonsense from your mother's basement. No one ever needs to know. And you never need to listen.

These are the things I dislike about blogging. No. Let me go at least one step too far. These are the things I despise. And because of this, because I believe in accountability, even for myself (I need accountability, too. I'm childish at times, remember?), I've tempered, censored, and kept mum often times about often ideas. The often is so often I can't give you specific instances.

Either that, or today I'm just not into details.

I'm a private person by nature. Very private. I have a small, very intimate circle of friends. To these people I tell pretty much everything of the everythings I'm going to tell. The rest I keep to myself.

Am I emotionally Ft. Knox? Not necessarily. But definitely a bunker of some sort.

People need to earn access to our lives, access to our opinions, access to our inner-thoughts. And it goes both ways. Trust me, I don't want your inner thoughts unless I've earned them. That way, I've subconsciously given them value. I will appreciate them, respect them, even if I don't agree. Spouting off your opinion in a tweet? Yeah. I really couldn't care less about it. And yes, I've tweeted before.

See the predicament?

Over the last year, culminating into greater intensity over the last several months, I've felt compelled to increase my boundaries. Yes, I have walls. Fortified cities always do. They are healthy, managed, and made of this beautiful slate rock. Breathtaking, really. Similar to limestone but visually closer to marble.

I've stopped tweeting, stopped doing Facebook status updates, and even stopped blogging at my previous intensity. I needed to think. To have privacy. To, once again, reestablish my boundaries. If a cave existed with indoor plumbing, I'd live there. Seriously. I'd take lots of books, several notebooks with pens, and a jar of peanut butter. And I'd live there.

Silence, however, isn't always the noble choice. Like I mentioned earlier, there are things, those unnamed things, worth fighting for. Worth talking about. Worth, dare I do it, even discussing on a public forum.

So. Here's where I'm at. I'm resituating. Repositioning. Resomething or othering. That doesn't mean I'll be sharing my deepest, darkest secrets. In fact, I won't even admit to having any. But I will be sharing my thoughts on more than politics. And I'm more than happy to listen to anyone with a cohesive, pragmatic, or at least imaginative, differing viewpoint.

Or I might block you. You never know about childish people like myself.

I'm sending this out as a simple fyi. Many of you have been very faithful about reading what I post. I don't take that honor lightly. I have, however, been giving you a watered down, highly-screened version of my thoughts over the last several months. I've been clocking in. And clocking back out again. If you are going to stop by, you deserve more from me than that. I acknowledge that.

This doesn't necessarily mean I'll be blogging more. I'm pregnant with projects at the moment. Those projects are extensive and long-enduring. So time is limited.

Not that I'll stop posting videos. Darn if I don't like those videos.

I will, however, promise to make my posts, or at least create more posts, with more meat and more relevance, as well as more topics. Like or dislike, I'm basically making you a pledge to give more. You have the option to tune in or run screaming for the hills. If those hills had caves with plush seating, that'd be a difficult choice for me.

This is Why

Why are Americans holding Tea Party protests?

This is Why.




There must be a line. A healthy boundary, I say a lot. Everyone should have them, healthy boundaries that is. What we allow and do not allow. What we accept and do not accept. What is good for us, what is not. Boundaries protect us. Give order. Keep the bad out, the good in.

A country must have them, too. A healthy country. One that survives. But not only. One that also flourishes. We must have boundaries, a line that says, "Yes, we accept this. No, we do not accept that."
The Constitution is that boundary. It sets the limit of what government can and cannot do. Our budget is a boundary, it shows what we can and cannot afford. Individual freedom is a boundary, it limits what the government can and cannot control.

The Tea Party isn't a revolutionary movement. A new idea. The Tea Party is a reminder of the boundaries that were established long ago and have given Americans the greatest country to ever exist in the history of mankind. The Tea Party is simply standing up for healthy boundaries.

Why the Tea Party? That is why.

Obama voters "exhausted"

Bloom. Rose. Off.



She isn't the only member of the Obama Sunshine Band not feeling warm and toasty.

A representative from the business community, Kenneth Langone, a co-founder of Home Depot, asked via a video feed for an explanation of what he sees as the administration’s anti-business stance.

Then a 30-year-old law school graduate said he’s no longer able to make the interest payments on his educational loans, much less able to have a mortgage or a family. He said he had been inspired by Obama’s campaign. But now, “that inspiration is dying away,” he said. “I really want to know: Is the American dream dead?”

Not dead. But very, very ill.

Fire from the Heartland: a movie about feminine strength

What is a feminist?

I've avoided that title my entire life. Feminists, or what liberals have defined as feminists, are angry women. Masculine women. Women who must degrade men to elevate themselves. Women who sneer at femininity, instead of embrace it without apology. They degrade the value of motherhood, of children, of self-respect from a moral perspective. Feminists tell women to treat sex like a man, to act like a man, all while scoffing at the value, contributions, strength, and invaluable attributes of men. A liberal-termed feminist may succeed in business, but she does so with a chip on her shoulder and hardness about her mouth.

Want to feel powerful ladies? Then be powerful ladies.

An admirable woman, to me, is one who is a force to be reckoned with because of her unique feminine flair, not in spite of it. She's joyful, not angry. She's optimistic, not bitter. She's passionate, not biting. She's not only a wife and a mother, she loves the role. Excels at it. She encourages male strength, instead of viewing it as her competition. She embraces female attributes because she's confident in her individuality. And even in the face of obstacles, even, dare we say it, unfair treatment, she succeeds in all her endeavors without self-pity because challenges invigorate her.

This is how we should redefine the term "feminist." And these conservative women are doing just that.



Women being empowered, making a difference, fighting on the front lines, without dropping a stitch of clothing? Welcome to the conservative movement.

Baby Panda sneeze

Because it's Friday, because this is adorable, because I've had one of those sneezes before.

Today's glitch

My site was temporarily held today. It's been awhile since I was temporarily held. In my memory, it felt better than that.

No more problems now. It was a slight communication misunderstanding between my domain provider and myself.

They sent me an email this morning saying, "Hey, your account has expired."
And I responded, "Hey, you shut down my site."
And they said, "Hey, that's what we do."
And I said, "Hey, that's so uncool. Don't do that."
And, hey, it's all better.

I doubt there's an entire legion of Tara Lynn Thompson's out there salivating over the possibility of taking possession of their domain. But in the off chance any extra saliva is being produced, I secured the sight and am now back online to abuse this web space in any flippant way I deem entertaining. Or I could use it to fight for truth, justice, and the American way.

Quote Them: American on Purpose

“It seemed to me that American patriotism had been hijacked by politicians who used it for their own jingoistic ends, and I wanted to use my television show to get away from that. I wanted to get back to the image of the gum-chewing GIs who brought swing dancing, fruit, and hope to Scotland when my parents were kids. I wanted to share the feeling I got when I received my big color poster from NASA in the mail. I wanted as many native-born Americans to understand the thrill and exhilaration that comes from joining the land of the free.”

If this sounds trite, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I believe in it. America truly is the best idea for a country that anyone has come up with so far. Not only because we value Democracy and the rights of the individual, but because we are our own effective voice of dissent. The French may love Barack Obama, but they didn’t f***ing elect him. We did.”

Craig Ferguson,
late-night savant



PS Because Ferguson deserves two posts today. Thanks for the heads up again Tim Slagle. Check out his full article at BigHollywood.com. The above quote was taken from Ferguson's book, "American on Purpose".

And, because a post isn't complete without getting to enjoy his humor and his accent, I give you Ferguson's citizenship test.

It's a great day for America.

Craig Ferguson: a great American

The accent will intrigue you. The wit will bring you back. Craig Ferguson proved years ago to have that certain charismatic appeal that no one since...well, Johnny...has given late-night television viewers.

I like Ferguson because he genuinely makes me laugh. I adore the man because he's a patriot.

Tim Slagle at BigHollywood.com did an excellent piece on Ferguson's annual honoring of 9/11 in his monologue. Since I've been unplugged since Friday, I hadn't posted anything on the 9/11 anniversary. In thinking of what to post, I stumbled onto Ferguson's 9/11 monologue from last year, thanks to Slagle's article.

Ferguson says everything I'm thinking and in that charming accent, too. I could never compete.

Quote Me: pointless and random

I prefer self-deprecating humor because I'm really, really good at it.

Tara Lynn Thompson

Right TV, right now

The Right Network has launched. Yay and all that. I'm really quite excited but just not in the mood for exclamation points. Maybe it's the rain. Maybe I need a snack.

In other more interesting news...I'm posting a couple of pilots or shorts. But check it out for yourself at RightNetwork.com. Only, not at work. It sucks you in. Also something I won't describe with exclamation points.

Now, for the fun part. Videos.

Here's the RightNetwork promo reel. Gives you an idea of what to expect and what's to come. Here's where I'd plug in a yeehaw, but it's just not the same without the exclamation points.



This is Flatbed & Ned. I knew a guy named...Ned, once. They're talking about vampires, as are most girls from ages 35 and under who appear intrigued by the prospect of bleeding out.



One more Flatbed & Ned just because.



Up Next: Evan Sayet's Right 2 Laugh. Conservative comediennes, really? I thought conservatives were miserable misers who sit in our dark homes in our dusty rooms rubbing our gums together where our teeth use to be and thinking about how we can hurt the little people, while simultaneously being the little people.

Liberal talking points generally cancel each other out, if you can stand to listen.



Don't judge the period usage. I really am excited about RightNetwork. Truly. Excited.

How about an emoticon instead?
:-)

Darn those racists and their free water

After the Glenn Beck's "Restoring Honor" rally on August 28, the supporters went to the Al Sharpton anti-march and passed out free water to those protesting them.

What a bunch of haters.

How was your summer?

This summer I played golf, spent time on Spanish beaches, enjoyed the coast of Maine, and, of course, went to Martha's Vineyard. Didn't everyone?




A few numbers, courtesy of Keith Hennessey's piece last month in the New York Daily News:

Average unemployment under Carter: 6.5%
Average unemployment under Clinton: 5.2%
Average unemployment under Bush: 5.3%
Current unemployment under Obama: 9.6%

But Obama assures us we've been in a Recovery Summer and everything is moving in the right direction. What is the right direction?

- $862 billion stimulus with nothing to show for it
- $788 billion health care already costing individuals and businesses more
- $2.5 trillion more in debt since Obama took office

And free trade agreements with our allies that should have been sent to Congress for approval, but instead sit on his desk while he plays golf, vacations, and talks to the women on The View.

Signed free trade agreements with allies Colombia, Panama, and Korea have not been ratified by Congress because the President has not submitted them for approval. For 18 months, all three have sat in his inbox.

What is Obama's answer to the Recession that keeps looking more and more like a Depression? Why, roads, of course. Build more roads!
He's announced another stimulus, $50 billion, to go toward roads, railroads, and runways. The first $862 billion toward roads and "shovel-ready" jobs worked so well, as is apparent by the dropping house prices, declining consumer confidence, mounting unemployment, and out of control deficit spending, we're going to play it again Sam.

They recently repaved a highway not far from my house. I have no idea why. It was a great highway. Quite nice, actually. No pot holes. No cracks. Fairly new. Next thing I know, they're ripping up the entire thing for miles and laying new asphalt. Now nearly done, the only discernible difference is that the road is a different color.

Forget personal success, the realization of dreams, freedom to make my own spending decisions, less red-tape as a self-employed member of the private sector, and a growing economy where my business will thrive so I can hire more labor. I just want darker asphalt.

Last week, Noel Sheppard from NewsBusters.org wrapped up this entire argument rather neatly. He was responding to Chris "tingly legged" Matthews confusion over why voters would want George W. Bush back. Possibly a new PPP poll was killling the buzz up his gams. The poll found that Ohio voters preferred Bush over Obama, 50 to 42.

Here's Matthews:

Let`s make the points through the numbers. Unemployment when Bush came in was 4.2 percent. When he left office, it was up to 7.6 percent, way up from where he came in. When Bush came into office, we had a $281 billion Clinton-led surplus. When he left, we had a $1.2 trillion deficit. And he doubled the national debt. Those are the facts on the table.

Actually, those are Matthew's cherry-picked facts on the table. He probably buys pants with fantasy sizing, too. Here's the whole truth, courtesy of Sheppard.

But that's only half the story, for the Democrats (ME: that included then-Sen. Obama) have controlled Congress since January 2007. As this is a Congressional election, it is a referendum on what the Party controlling the House and the Senate have done since they took over.

Here, the numbers are even more glaring, as the unemployment rate that month was 4.6 percent. Over 7 million people have lost their jobs since the Democrats took over Congress.

As for fiscal policy, the last budget created by the Republican-controlled Congress had a deficit of $160 billion. This year, with Obama and Democrats controlling everything, we're on pace for close to a $1.6 trillion deficit, or TEN TIMES 2007's shortfall.

I keep hearing Toby Keith's song, "How do you like me now?", playing over and over in my head.

Find Your Inner "Norris"

Conservatives have a great sense of humor, even when making a spoof about ourselves. Example below.

The line that always gets me: "Well guess who just put some money down on a pop-up camper. Randy did."

Holiday Road to Recovery

When President Obama says we're on the road to recovery, is he thinking about the road at the end of Thelma & Louise that ended off a cliff?

Reason TV's Nanny of the Month: No free rides to save lives

New road signs that should be posted in Quincy, Illinois:

"Don't drink and drive. If you drink, get a ride. But if you get a ride, make sure it's not free. And if it is free, don't tip the driver."

Terrorizing little girls and putting drunk drivers on the roads - it's work and you're paying for it. Thanks yo. Those greedy 3-year-olds are a blight on the public sector's coffer. Down with lemonade stands! Up with extended unemployment!