At least I didn't have to make that dreaded, demoralizing, degrading call.
"Um, yeah. I'm sick today. I can't come in." Didn't have to say it. There was no one to call. The only things waiting for me this morning were ticks and tree limbs, spending the morning planning my demise. We'd just have to rumble another day.
I woke up around 3 a.m. a little dazed and confused. First, I wanted to know why I was awake. Second, I wanted to know who had cracked my head open while I was busy sleeping.
I was sick. A summer cold - the worst. I got up and read a little, drank some magnesium (because it's good for headaches) and wondered how in the world I was going to get myself to work feeling the way I did. Then I remembered. I DON'T WORK! Oh yeah. Slipped my mind. I am now a woman of leisure, at least until the repo men come. I don't HAVE to get myself anywhere. So I went back to bed.
Mostly, my day was filled with old movies, kleenex, and wondering who was messing around with the thermostat. It literally took me hours to realize the temperature change was in me. (Fever is a beautiful excuse for delirium.)
Where did this cold come from? Who knows. I had a few thoughts of Rocky Mountain spotted tick fever and then realized I usually only socialize with local vermin.
So I went back to the fact I'm weak.
I caught a cold because I got overheated. Plain and simple. I was just some girlie girl office worker who thought driving without air-conditioning was really toughening me up. Now I'm outside in Oklahoma in JUNE - I couldn't go through this career crisis during a mild October, no - and thinking I'm Superwoman with a penchant for fighting off the Little Shop of Horrors.
Just like every job or responsibility I've had in life, I attack it. And, while in my war, ignore the subtle signs of battle fatigue until both legs go missing.
Why isn't it okay when we can't do it all? When we can't control our circumstances? When we can't fix our problems? When we can't overcome difficulties just by sheer willpower? Why do we push ourselves so hard? Is it really just independence, or is there some thick pride mixed in?
So, for now, I'm relearning a lesson I've learned...oh...just a few times before. Pace yourself. Do what you can. Realize your limitations (everyone has them). And trust God to fill in, up and over the gaps.
What's on the agenda tomorrow? Work? Nope. 'fraid not. Tomorrow I boil new potato soup and up my Vitamin C intake.
May the weeds enjoy a day of reprieve.