Of course, Christians have been saying this forever. But Christians are stupid, of course. Don't listen to them. Sleep around first. Be treated like an object. Feel cheap. Contract a disease or two. Earn those emotional scars. Then not having sex is a well-informed, well-educated, even cosmopolitan decision.
No more sex in the city
Two weeks ago, Katie Jean Arnold had her celibacy wake-up call. After hooking up with a stranger on the L train platform and going back to his place, she woke up at his apartment and decided to leave. On her way out the door, he came up to her, naked, and said the words she’ll never forget: “What’s your name?”
It was then that she made her Big Decision.
No. More. Sex.
She’s led a sex-free life ever since. It’s not a long time to remain chaste, you might argue, but the 29-year-old musician did a “celibacy cleanse” back in 2003 for eight months and says it made her feel fantastic.Similar to a colon cleanse. But with incurable sexually-transmitted diseases.
This time, she says she’s going to wait until she gets a record deal and puts out her first album before succumbing to temptation.Because a record deal makes it classy.
“Not having sex is like giving up junk food,” says Arnold. “Sex in New York for me had become like the 99-cent package of Ding Dongs on the corner.”She's upgrading to $2 Krispy Kremes.
Arnold is more of a trendsetter than she realizes. In this month’s Playboy, Ashley Dupre says of sex: “I’m very good at it, but I’m saving that.” In April, Lady Gaga said, “I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine,” adding that it was something she wanted to “celebrate” with fans. Courtney Love is also on the no-sex bandwagon, declaring she’s been celibate for four years — adding that without it she never could have finished her new record, “Nobody’s Daughter.”Good thing we've got celebrities to lead the way.
Less — when it comes to sex — is definitely more, argues Hephzibah Anderson, the author of “Chastened,” a new tome touting the lessons she learned during a sex-free year, from August 2006 to August 2007, a quarter of which she spent in New York.Golly. A whole year. She's like a female Ghandi with deplorable taste in men.
“By tuning out some of that hyper-sexualized, porn-y clamor, you find yourself tuning into a sort of a subtler romance and being attracted to a different kind of guy,” says the 34-year-old London resident who frequents Manhattan. She was inspired to give up sex right before turning 30 when she saw her college boyfriend walking out of De Beers on Fifth Avenue with a smiling blonde.
“It broadens the erotic spectrum having a contrast,” says Anderson. “Otherwise it’s all full-on the whole time.”So celibacy is the path to true enlightenment. And better casual sex after you've forgotten casual sex made you miserable.
Nowhere is it more full-on all the time than in New York, where men declare frustration over having to wait more than one date for sex and — as Arnold proved — hooking up is as simple as waiting for a train.New York. If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere.
Or showing up for a job interview.Good girl.
When Miss Teen Alabama 2007 Canden Bliss Jackson moved to Manhattan in August at the age of 19, she was excited about making it in the big city.
She quickly landed an interview for a job as a personal assistant to an international businessman. Soon after, he asked what would happen if they “started to like each other,” offering to put her up in a flat in SoHo, pay for travel expenses and talking about a salary of $120,000. The now 20-year-old asked him, “What — if I sleep with you?” His response: “Well, let’s not say it like that.”
Jackson explained that she was celibate and planned to be so until marriage. He took this as a negotiating technique, responding, “I like that even better. I’ll make it $150,000.”
Jackson quickly asked for a taxi.
“I feel like society has become more sex-focused,” says the Long Islander and Stony Brook University student. “Whatever happened to appreciating somebody holding your hand or giving you a sweet kiss? I love cuddling. The little things can be so much more intimate.”I can tell you what happened: the sexual revolution. Free love, baby.
Even former dating columnists are saying no to the carnal deed. When 29-year-old media personality Julia Allison went through a very public online breakup in March, she found herself canceling date after date until something finally clicked.That was some "click". Like a vertebrae snapping into place. And all she had to do was endure a public humiliation to discover this untold secret of celibacy. Thank goodness for humiliation!
Celibacy was the answer to her problems — and may be the answer for quite a while.
“I had man whiplash,” she says. “I needed to put my neck in a brace.”See? Told you. Vertebrae.
She issued a proclamation, writing on her Web site last week, “I decided to codify my unofficial gut reaction of ‘I really don’t feel like dating’ into an official ‘No Dating, No Sex’ stance, at least for the next month, and perhaps beyond that.”A whole month. Now that's a way of really giving it your all. Way to go, girl. No sex with random or otherwise uncommitted men who begrudge waiting through dinner or learning your name before having sex with you. And for a full 30 to even 31 days. No more public humiliation for you.
She’s at the point, she says, where she doesn’t want to seek intimacy without the potential for a serious relationship. “I’ve always been against the New York version of fast-food sex. Believe me, come on, please, I’ve slept with guys I don’t love before, but I’ve frankly reached the age where I don’t want to do that anymore. I’ve dipped my toes in those waters, and it’s cold.”And with age comes flimsy and porous wisdom.
This entire subject is tired. For me, anyway. I'm not sure how much evidence people need before they realize a sexually promiscuous life brings nothing but damage. That celibacy is not only possible, but preferable, outside of marriage. That people are not animals and can control themselves. Yes, people includes men.
And ladies, if you are unsatisfied in your relationships, frustrated with the lack of commitment in men, stop sleeping with them. He'll either commit. Or he'll leave. And you are free to find a man of integrity, purpose, and honor who does not view women like a plastic play toy. Oh, and you'll like yourself more, too. Guaranteed.
As one woman in the article put it, “But I think it’s harder to not have sex than to have sex.” Exactly. So the men who stick around without sex must think you are worth it.