Illustration by Brendon C. Thompson
Oprahliath loved to chat, maybe even more than waging war.
She hosted town hall meetings in Gath every afternoon, inviting self-improvement experts as daily guest hosts. She would sit regally on a stone bench, always appearing in thoughtful contemplation, while talking about the suppression of giants in the Philistine culture, not an easy task since they could break the average man in half.
The self-doubting peasants sat at her feet, mainly because she took up all the space. And most daily meetings consisted of fat sacrifices to the weight-loss god or ways to improve your Semitic vocabulary and love yourself that much more.
Oprahliath liked a good deed here and there. She occasionally purchased chariots for her entire audience, though they couldn’t afford horses to pull them, and faithfully donated money to her favorite Philistine charities.
Peasants would often break down in tears when near her. In the desert, the impromptu evaporation often meant sudden death. But hugs were given to anyone hydrated enough to survive.
A cavalcade of Oprahliath servants, known as the Philistine Roisterer (PR) Team, could spin any negative press about the media giant into spiritual enlightenment or personal entitlement. A mere commoner didn’t stand a chance of rebuttal to any ideas, opinions, or sanctimonious admonishments handed down from on high. She could crush them with her popularity or her big toe.
Oprahliath, however, hadn’t yet faced in battle Dave LaRoe of Grand Rapids, Ohio, a lowly restaurateur, who would confront this giant with a slingshot of courage and a telephone.
Don’t eat at restaurants for one month.That was the third line of a pledge Suze Orman, a woman of blunt financial advice and cropped hair, asked the Oprah Winfrey Show audience on Jan. 8 to make, along with not spending money for a day or using your credit card for a week. And tada, the recession ended and everyone retired early by refraining their daily mocha lattes.
While Oprah, in typical Oprah fashion, may have experienced an “AHA Moment”, the 13 million people employed in the industry probably experienced acute myocardial infarction.
“There’s no way around it, these women have power when they get on TV. They do,” said Dave, who had the television on his LaRoe’s Restaurant kitchen while preparing for the evening meal of steaks and seafood when Suze and Oprah called for food industry bankruptcy in a warm and fuzzy way.
No eating would mean no money, no money would mean no paycheck, and no paycheck would mean no industry. The 945,000 restaurants and food-service outlets, the second largest private sector employer in the nation, would either take a major hit or a permanent dive. And that doesn’t taken into account all the hungry people going unfed and getting crankier by the minute.
“Such an open-ended statement against an industry in this country was irresponsible,” said Dave, the 33-year restaurant owner in a town of 900. “They should have thought about it.”
Oh, let’s not confuse daytime television as a think tank. The show must go on, gray matter engaged or not.
Last Tuesday, Dave picked up his five stones and slingshot. While doing paperwork in his office and listening to a caller on the Rush Limbaugh show talk about the difficulties of owning a business in post Hopenchange America, Dave dialed.
“I had never made that effort before to get a call through,” he said. A few moments later, the call-screener had heard Dave’s story, loved it, and put him as number two on the waiting list.
“I was more nervous the 30 to 40 minutes I waited to talk to Rush. When I did talk to him, he was more than gracious to me,” said Dave, who was even asked by Rush to stay on through a break to give his restaurant a plug.
“Let me tell you something, if I could be serious here, I am livid,” said Rush to Dave. “You know, I'm controlling my rage here. And I was being serious, Dave. Every call I get today is from somebody whose business is being targeted by the United States government and it's being targeted by people in that government who've never met a payroll, who've never had to, who have never run a business. All they do is agitate and get people all worked up about things. They are prophets of doom and gloom. They are never effervescent. They are never uplifting. They are never inspirational and they haven't the slightest idea how to do what you do or the dirt bike business guy does or the automobile business people or the private jet industry, or even the banking business. They haven't the slightest clue. When they run the show like in Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, we see what happens. I am livid over this kind of thing. I am livid that the foundation of capitalism that -- 33 years in a town of 900! And he turns on a stupid TV show and finds his business under siege from the so-called queen of broadcasting, Oprah Winfrey. The whole thing has me outraged.”
Rush, the beautifully antagonistic voice of the conservative movement who can make national headlines without ever leaving his chair, wasn’t the only one outraged. The righteous anger, as only true righteous anger can, spread into a positive response by the public. Oprahliath didn’t topple, she didn’t even apologize. But the troops in the opposing army rallied anyway.
“On Friday evening, the restaurant was just abuzz. People were talking to each other about what was going on,” said Dave.
He had received at least 100 phone calls and 650 emails from people across the nation vowing, if they couldn’t visit LaRoe’s, they’d patron their own locally owned restaurant in support of the industry.
LaRoe’s received additional support from patrons driving long distances, like Detroit and Columbia, to visit for a lunch and evening meal. One truck driver even went 40 minutes off his route to sit down at LaRoe’s.
“These people believe in what this country was built on. They believe in the small businessman,” Dave said.
Setting media mouths in motion like only Rush can, Dave was also interviewed by the local paper, a local AM station, and the local evening news, which aired his segment again on the morning show.
A vast nation with a current economic climate pitted against him suddenly turned into a supportive community. Over a bowl of French Onion Soup with a secret blend of cheeses, those inside LaRoe’s experienced how the government, who can take your money, can’t take your spirit.
“Last week I had a Rush special: a Reuben with a cup of soup. I almost ran out of corn beef,” he said.
Let food preparers/lovers/eaters/buyers/sellers/smellers unite. The Suze/Oprah pledge became a jagged pill for the restaurant industry who took to the blogosphere with some tastily prepared words of dissent:
- “Say What? Do not eat out in a restaurant for one month? Suze. Suze. Suze. Oprah. Oprah. Oprah. Whatever are you thinking?....
…In one powerful minute, you affected the second largest employer in the nation (next to the government). In one show, you asked at least 7 million people to stop visiting to an industry that employs 14 million people.” Anita Hanaburgh of The Leader-Herald, Gloversville, NY.
- "I turned around and was like, 'What did she just say?'… This is a directive to boycott an entire industry. If no one went to the Cape Cod restaurants for a month, I don't know how many of us could stay in business." Restaurant owner Debra Davies, quoted in Cape Code Times.
- “Orman, who is a millionaire many times over, built her fame and fortune by offering personal financial advice through books and television to people who have been fiscally irresponsible. Good for her. But where does she come off targeting only the restaurant industry? We all know people who've gotten themselves into deep financial doo doo, but it was because they purchased wildly pricey homes beyond their means or bought cars, boats, big screen TVs and the like. I don't know anyone who lost their home to the bank because they spent too much money in restaurants.” Michael Sanson, Restaurant-Hospitality.com.
photo from Celebrity ChefsOprah may need a few tasters skilled in detecting salmonella, hepatitis A, rotavirus, and listeria because her personal chef has a restaurant too. Art Smith, Oprah's food man, opened the Table 52 restaurant in Chicago last year. It was the location of the Obama’s romantic tryst on Valentine’s Day, the First Couple obviously ignoring good financial advice from O and her girlfriend.
Did the month boycott include ole pal Smith’s place too?
Two days after his conversation with Rush, Dave LaRoe’s name once again graced the airwaves of the Excellence in Broadcasting network. He had received an email from a veteran in Florida, an email he felt compelled to forward on to Rush, who – while describing an unreported revolt of Americans against a government drunk on more government - read the veteran’s words on the air: “Thanks for what you said on the Rush show today. I just want you to know that we in the military, that's why we do what we do is to defend and protect the traditions that you practiced today on the Rush show and keep your restaurant going, that's why we do it.”
A man, a passion, a telephone, not all revolutions require a talking head in a Hartmarx suit with a teleprompter. Some only require a Dave stepping in front of the Oprahliath.
“I’ve seen that now,” Dave said.
