25. My dreams are all action/adventures that star me and some varying male Hollywood celebrity I generally dislike or simply would prefer stayed out of my dreams.
24. The poetry I write in my head always starts with, “There once was an old lady who lived in a shoe…”
23. On a typical day, I’ll swallow 33 vitamins. It’s like a gel cap marathon that doesn’t end until the last Prolamine Iodine crosses the tonsil finish line.
22. When I was a kid, I’d lay all the chairs down on the kitchen floor after my parents went to bed because I thought they were tired from sitting up all day.
21. I think life is too short to wear uncomfortable shoes.
20. Our two-story house burned down to the ground December 1979. We were asleep inside and it was a miracle my father woke up and we escaped, jumping from the second story porch roof. (Since I was only two, I was tossed off. But my Dad caught me.) I remember vividly every moment, every sound, every feeling, every thought, despite being vertically and age challenged. I grew up knowing three very definite things: 1. All possessions, once applied by the right temperature, turn to ash. 2. The vinyl seats of a 1980s Oldsmobile are freezing when you’re only dressed in pajamas and there’s nowhere else to shelter. 3. There is no reason my family and I should have survived. So God spared our lives for a very real reason - to honor Him with what time remained.
19. I wear three ring bands on my fingers. Each has a specific achievement or memory or represents an obstacle God’s brought me to and over. When I feel overwhelmed or disappointed or even lost, they remind me of these moments in my life, what God has brought me through, and it gets me back into focus. Plus, they’re pretty and I like to stare at my hands.
18. I’m never completely still. If you think you’ve caught me still before, you didn’t. I was probably wiggling my toes.
17. Beer tastes like liquid shredded wheat, without the bananas and milk. Yuck.
16. I dream about being anonymous one day.
15. Despite passing it off as a joke, I really do think Jillian, my Jeep, is alive and speaks to me. Sometimes I pat her dashboard while driving down the road as a show of affection. She responds by getting more miles to the gallon.
14. My handwriting is nearly unreadable. As a kid, I use to spend hours training and starving my handwriting into submission (my entire family – father, mother, brother – has beautiful penmanship). However, I believe all the dieting and exercising of my penmanship has forever screwed up any chance I had of writing legibly. I use to feel ashamed of my penmanship, hiding it under dark colors and vertical stripes. Then one day, realizing God thinks my handwriting is beautiful, I stripped it down to its birthday ink and let it run free.
13. I have my father’s nose, mouth, chin, and shape of face. I have my mother’s eyes, forehead, cheekbones, and dimples. The rest of my body I stole from a little old lady down on Hutchins Street on a stormy October night in 1977.
12. When I’m about to devour a good meal, I rub my hands together first. Don’t ask me why. Don’t ask me what it means. Don’t ask me to stop. It’s totally involuntary.
11. The only things I actually enjoy shopping for are Native jewelry, discounted books, and ink pens.
10. There are only two famous people I’ve ever wanted to meet. One: he and I share a birthday and a political passion. Two: he and I exchanged a letter once, plus he sent me an autographed copy of his newest book. In another life, I was supposed to be both of these guys combined, but a girl. I’m supposed to be a girl in all my lives. Or a yellow-legged Pekin Robin.
9. I use to be ticklish. I’ve since decided against it.
8. My favorite movies are romantic comedies because they reflect absolutely no shred of reality or possibility.
7. In the fall of 2007, I was on seven planes in ten days. It was my first experience in an airplane. I don’t enjoy the bathrooms.
6. I took piano lessons for five years when I was a kid. I don’t play the piano, but I’m an excellent typist and have unnaturally strong fingers. Not hands. Just the fingers. They can crush ice, crack pecans, and squeeze phone books in half. Yet I still can’t open those dang potato chip bags.
5. I’ve done construction work twice in my life, with my dad (when I was a teenager) and my brother (about a summer ago). Kneepads make me feel invincible, which is why one day they will be the death of me.
4. My favorite people in the world are all calm. That holds true for my favorite dogs, boyfriends, relatives, vacations, road trips, and stomachs.
3. Just for the sake of being different than the current culture, I’m not going to take offense. And just for the sake of being sane, I’m going to ignore those who do.
2. If I can stand for anything, it will be truth, justice, and the American Way. If I can wear anything, it won’t be the Superman costume.
1. My hair use to be so long I could sit on it. But it kept complaining. So I had some friends of mine, let’s just call them good fellas, chop it off at the knees and feed it to the fishes.
2 comments:
i think #22 and #15 are somehow related.
33 vitamins a day, shoe poetry (better than trailer poetry I suppose), retired furniture, living jeeps,You are a very unique individual.
Perhaps you will entertain us with some shoe poetry? hmmm...
Old Oxford was a merry ole' sole,
And a marryin' old soul was he.
He lived with his wives, all thirty and three,
In a shoe called the 'Rescue Me.'
Every morning at six, he arose from his fix,
And worked like a good bourgeoisie.
And produced a mountain of nikes, for his 101 tikes,
With feet like an anthropoid ape.
His wives told him, "chimps don't have souls,or feet like moles!"
but alas, their advice he did not keep.
So with a big hoo-doo, his brides left the shoe,
And moved to the blue Galilee.
Where they set up shop, called 'The New IHOP,'
Selling Oxford's useless leather crop.
And made a fortune in cash, from the old leather stash,
(Which was using great wisdom. . .don't ya see)
Along came a spider, ordered a cider,
And asked if any soles were to be had.
They pointed up North, to which he directed his course,
said to the black widow from the thirty and three.
Which is what you'd expect, if you'd fail to neglect,
advice from your thirty and three.
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