The Unemployment Mantra

I'm awesome, cool, stupendous
You should see me wash your winda's
Not a print, a streak, a spot
I'll heal your walls of dry rot
Rake and bag those pesky leaves
All for a minimal of fees
I can do everything, I can
With a spreadsheet, pen or dustpan
Clip your nails and cut your hair
Change your tire without a spare
Answering phones professionally
Instead of coffee, steep your tea
I can lift 50 pounds or so
Stocking shelves with sweet-n-low
I'll clean up spills on aisle nine
And leave behind a hint of pine
Don't worry 'bout that irate customer
I'll talk them down from their bluster
And by the time my charms are done
They'll refuse that full refund
I can preen and primp and sell
That sweater, stock or Toyota Tercel
Show me a family ready to invest
I'll sell them a condo in Budapest
I can 10-key 80 characters or more
Laundering those funds just offshore
They'll return in clean masses
Free of fees and even taxes
I'll cross all 't's and dot that 'i'
And feign ignorance when you lie
I'm great at everything, look no more
Hire me so I'll no longer be poor