Living the Dream

Most people, when asked what they'd do with a large sum of money, say something like "take a vacation" or "buy a house" or even "pay off my bills." I'm not really into any of those things. I don't have money and I already take vacations, even if it means a good book, stretchy pants, and ten uninterrupted hours on my couch. I also have a home and, oddly enough, I usually even pay my bills. Well...most of the time.
If I had money, I'd do it differently. First, I'd drive 75 mph to Sam's Club, because fuel efficiency is for poor people. I'd go inside and purchase a Sam's membership, because using a friend's membership is for poor people. And I'd buy a container of blackberries, even though poor people can't afford $5 for 18 ounces of fruit.
Then I'd eat them.

The end.