My Happily Ever After

Today, I was the server for the open bar at my friends nuptials. At last, a wedding that was all about me.

I Heart Libraries

I made a new friend the other day - a Nigerian doctor here on a visa. He has decided to stay in Tulsa, Oklahoma for two reasons - racketball and the completely free, completely public, completely incredible library system.
What excuses do we use for a lack of education? I never know that one.

The Next Season of Reality TV

For a little variety in reality television, a few ideas:

- The Amazing Waste: make garbage and litter, but do it quickly and in specific places.

- Prescriber: take these pills, if you survive, you move to higher prescriptions.

- So you think you can Stance: people stand around perfectly still. Until they start to drop.

- American Idle: do nothing. someone will enjoy watching.

- The Batchmaker: 25 girls bake cookies, one man eats the cookies.

- Smear Factor: take gooey substances, like pudding, smearing them on objects in a scary way.

- America's Next Pot Caudal: animals placed in a room filled with marijuana smoke. then judged on how well they walk.

Truth in Dentistry

There's a local dentist who is constantly romoted by local celebrities. The gist of the ads is how going to a dentist doesn't have to be unpleasant anymore. As I sat inside my dentist's office, under the glaring light, cotton shoved under my tongue, a sucking tube stuck in my mouth, and my dentist shoving a needle into my gums, I couldn't help but wonder, how the hell do you make this pleasant?

I'm tall. And I'm tough on crime.

My brother told me once God made me tall because my husband would be tall. I think God made me tall so I couldn't be mugged by short guys.

Truth: all that and a bag of chips

I thought I'd lost truth.

So I checked under the bed. I found a suitcase, an old canvas bag, and a box of beads during my "I'm going to make all my own jewelry" phase.

Truth wasn't there.

Perhaps, instead, it was stuck in my sock drawer. Other than my 37 pairs of white socks with various degrees of wear in the heel, nothing else was found.

Truth wasn't there either.

I rummaged my kitchen cabinets, jean pockets, sofa cushions, filing cabinet, storage closet, book shelves, trunk space, attic space, open space, and in the dryer.

Truth couldn't be found.

I took out an ad, one of those scrunched spots of ink in the back page of the classifieds. I wrote about my desire for it, my need for it, my thirst for one drop. And I included my email address.

Truth didn't respond.

I attended a political rally, sat on a church pew, went to work, took a class, took a drive, took a walk, took my blood pressure, no sign of it.

Truth was gone.

So tomorrow, and the day after too, about the time the sun rises, at the moment I awaken, I'm going to find it. I'm going to hunt it down with ferocity. I'm going to sniff it out. I'm going to grab everyone I meet by the shoulders, look them in the eye, and demand it. I'm going to beat back this diluted, politically correct, impotent limping excuse for what is real, what is reality, what is honest.
I'm going to rebuke and refuse this sycophantic, boot-licking, appeasing conjecture. And I'm going to strip it all down until I find truth - naked and untainted.

And I'm not going to rest.

What a gas!

Republican or Democrat. Conservative or Liberal. I'm ready for people to say what they mean and mean what they say. Or just shut up.