Sarcasm you can believe in

Speeches, speeches, speeches.

They bored me in high school. They put me to sleep in college. When stuck enduring one in a business meeting, I mentally write my grocery list. In networking schmooze-fests when trapped by a walking/talking company brochure, I feign choking on an ice cube.

Yet politicians still think speeches have value. Shrug. Good thing no one expects results from a President or he'd never break 80.

Since I may only be on this planet for 90-plus years or so and, therefore, simply don't have any extra time to spare listening to another Obama speech, I found this. It's the gist of O's brand new, revolutionary, never-before-tried-except-consistently-for-the-last-three-years-not-to-mention-during-several-other-liberal-presidencies jobs plan with enough salty sarcasm to cure pork.

Here's an excerpt that goes great with two eggs sunny side up.

Obama, whose Democratic spending priorities have pushed the national debt beyond $14,000,000,000,000, said it was important to curb spending and keep to the deficit reduction plan agreed to earlier this summer while also investing in, you know, many important things.

He then provided a joint session of Congress with a broadly ambitious list of goals that sounded to many people very much like a lot more spending, like, say, the $787 billion economic stimulus bill of 2009 that didn't stimulate much of anything except that national debt.

With the national debt already increasing $3 million every minute of every day, Obama wants to repair and modernize 35,000 schools. Obama wants $35 billion to go toward salaries for teachers, firefighters and police.

Obama wants $140 billion largely to update roads and bridges. Obama wants another $245 billion in business and individual tax relief. Obama also wants to extend unemployment benefits.

And Obama wants it all right now. Seriously. Now that his Martha's Vineyard vacation is over, this situation is urgent.

In the meantime, Americans should follow Obama's lead - take vacations, play golf, travel, talk, talk some more, and avoid responsibility.
If it's good enough for the President, it's good enough for me.

Made in America! Or China or whatever..

So he sends jobs overseas. He shuts down American plants. He lays off American workers. He leaves Americans desperate for work and employes thousands in China. Fine. Got it. But Bill, he sits on a council. A council, Bill. A. Council. Where he sits. In a chair.

I'm so freakin' impressed.

How was your summer?

This summer I played golf, spent time on Spanish beaches, enjoyed the coast of Maine, and, of course, went to Martha's Vineyard. Didn't everyone?




A few numbers, courtesy of Keith Hennessey's piece last month in the New York Daily News:

Average unemployment under Carter: 6.5%
Average unemployment under Clinton: 5.2%
Average unemployment under Bush: 5.3%
Current unemployment under Obama: 9.6%

But Obama assures us we've been in a Recovery Summer and everything is moving in the right direction. What is the right direction?

- $862 billion stimulus with nothing to show for it
- $788 billion health care already costing individuals and businesses more
- $2.5 trillion more in debt since Obama took office

And free trade agreements with our allies that should have been sent to Congress for approval, but instead sit on his desk while he plays golf, vacations, and talks to the women on The View.

Signed free trade agreements with allies Colombia, Panama, and Korea have not been ratified by Congress because the President has not submitted them for approval. For 18 months, all three have sat in his inbox.

What is Obama's answer to the Recession that keeps looking more and more like a Depression? Why, roads, of course. Build more roads!
He's announced another stimulus, $50 billion, to go toward roads, railroads, and runways. The first $862 billion toward roads and "shovel-ready" jobs worked so well, as is apparent by the dropping house prices, declining consumer confidence, mounting unemployment, and out of control deficit spending, we're going to play it again Sam.

They recently repaved a highway not far from my house. I have no idea why. It was a great highway. Quite nice, actually. No pot holes. No cracks. Fairly new. Next thing I know, they're ripping up the entire thing for miles and laying new asphalt. Now nearly done, the only discernible difference is that the road is a different color.

Forget personal success, the realization of dreams, freedom to make my own spending decisions, less red-tape as a self-employed member of the private sector, and a growing economy where my business will thrive so I can hire more labor. I just want darker asphalt.

Last week, Noel Sheppard from NewsBusters.org wrapped up this entire argument rather neatly. He was responding to Chris "tingly legged" Matthews confusion over why voters would want George W. Bush back. Possibly a new PPP poll was killling the buzz up his gams. The poll found that Ohio voters preferred Bush over Obama, 50 to 42.

Here's Matthews:

Let`s make the points through the numbers. Unemployment when Bush came in was 4.2 percent. When he left office, it was up to 7.6 percent, way up from where he came in. When Bush came into office, we had a $281 billion Clinton-led surplus. When he left, we had a $1.2 trillion deficit. And he doubled the national debt. Those are the facts on the table.

Actually, those are Matthew's cherry-picked facts on the table. He probably buys pants with fantasy sizing, too. Here's the whole truth, courtesy of Sheppard.

But that's only half the story, for the Democrats (ME: that included then-Sen. Obama) have controlled Congress since January 2007. As this is a Congressional election, it is a referendum on what the Party controlling the House and the Senate have done since they took over.

Here, the numbers are even more glaring, as the unemployment rate that month was 4.6 percent. Over 7 million people have lost their jobs since the Democrats took over Congress.

As for fiscal policy, the last budget created by the Republican-controlled Congress had a deficit of $160 billion. This year, with Obama and Democrats controlling everything, we're on pace for close to a $1.6 trillion deficit, or TEN TIMES 2007's shortfall.

I keep hearing Toby Keith's song, "How do you like me now?", playing over and over in my head.